Improvement, Not Perfection

"Improvement, not perfection" is going to have to be how I look at things. In the past I've always had a problem with this. If I couldn't do something perfectly, then I wasn't going to do it at all. It is a huge step out of my comfort zone to be able to admit that not everything has to be perfect.

Anyhow, I did pretty well with following my WW points each day. Eric, Kari and the kids were here for the weekend, so we were definitely out of our routine. I decided that rather than trying to count points (and in turn make myself a complete nutcase) this weekend, that I would instead practice moderation. Looking back on it, while I know I wasn't perfect, I think I was pretty good. I made some good choices (like I didn't touch the chips, I drank lots of water, only had 1 diet soda) and didn't make the get-together all about the food. A huge step . . . we had guests over and I actually got in the pool with Andy. In my bathing suit. I felt completely horrid, but pretended that all was good.

I'm going to a WW meeting tomorrow, instead of today. First of all, I want to experience a different leader. Secondly, Brian is off today and we are lazing around the house this morning recovering from the weekend.

To those of you who are right along side me trying, what has gone right for you this past week?

Well, I Did It . . .

. . . I faced the music and went to Weight Watchers this morning. I even tried my best to talk myself out of it. Andrew slept in today. He was taking forever to eat breakfast. I was sleepy. I felt pukey and couldn't stop coughing (darn cold!). Blah, blah, blah.

But, then I remembered that I had written it down here and said that I was going this morning. I knew that I wouldn't be able to justify not going here. So, I went.

It was ugly. But I went.

I'm not sure I'll stick with Monday mornings for the summer. No kidding, next to Andrew I was the youngest person in the room by like 20 years.

But I went.

Nothing has changed. Points still need to be counted. Bagels and chocolate still have a gazillion points.

But I went. The plan is in motion.

Seriously . . .

how much more motivation do I need to have than this disgusting picture?

I hate, hate, hate having my picture taken and having to face my fat. However, I really don't want Andrew to look back at his baby and childhood pictures and always be alone in the picture. I want him to see how much fun we had together. Ugh!

Slow to Start

Well I sure can't be accused of jumping into things this time! As promised, though, I did make a decision. I will be attending live and in person WW meetings, at least for the remainder of summer vacation. I think this may suite my style best . . . giving me more accountability and a more social environment, even though I don't like being social at such places. Weird, huh?

I will also be starting on Monday morning, at 9:30. The location is about a 20 mile drive for me, but it is an actual WW center (not a church or hotel with 1 or 2 meetings a week) that has daily meetings offered at several times. This way I won't have an excuse to miss a week if something comes up during my regular time. I'm the all time master of making excuses so I really have to make this as fool proof as possible for me. And Tara, I really like your idea of checking out different meetings to find a good meeting.

Brian has been doing really well since starting the online version of WW. He counts all of his points and plans his menus (and mine too). However, I haven't been counting points so he has really been getting frustrated with me. Finally, yesterday we had it out. As in a discussion. Which I hate. I'm the queen of avoidance as well. I just finally had to tell him to give me my space and let me do things in my own time. I've done nothing to hold him back. I told him that for a few days he just has to be happy with me making better choices.

On Thursday I went to acupuncture again. As always, it was great, but I still have a ways to go until my stress and anxiety is under control. Apparently my pulses are deep "deep and tight" which, in Chinese medicine, means that I'm stressed and anxious. Duh. We are adding some guided meditations to help with this as well.

My next step is to get to the gym and get Andy signed up for child care. I have a feeling I'm going to like this . . .

Procrastinating

OK, I have three choices for how I can choose to do the Weight Watcher program:

1. I can attend traditional meetings. This would be nice because of the face-to-face accountability and since it is summer I really do have time to do this.
2. I can do the online version. This would be nice because I can do it in my jammies and be lazy and not have to drive anywhere.
3. I can just do it on my own with the materials I already have. This would be nice because I could save my hard earned cash. However, it also holds me much less accountable.

I haven't made a decision at all yet. My excuse has been that I haven't scoped out the availability of in-person meetings. However, even I know that that's a bunch of crap. I'm really just delaying the inevitable, as I have been for almost the past year.

In the meantime, Brian is doing the on-line version and has turned into a complete WW nazi in our home. He even bought a new scale on Sunday, the WW one, that measures to the tenth of a pound. He has been counting points religiously. Me? I say, meh, and eat the meals he fixes for me, all the while pining for ice cream. I will say that I have lost a pound and a half since he started this on Sunday.

So, since I know that the time is here for me to stop making excuses, I will get online and scope out the in-person meetings and make a decision. So, by tomorrow I will have a decision. As for today, I did make it to the store to restock my vitamins and supplements. At least it's something.

By the end of the week I do hope to add to this blog some links to my favorite WW blogs and the site itself so that resources can be in one handy place. I'll eventually add some tickers to track my progress. Oh, I'll also be sharing some of the new recipes we are using, both the good and the back. So, stick around . . . I'm glad to have the company!

What Now?

Even though the past year has been wonderful and this has been the happiest I've ever been, it's still been loaded with stress. With how overwhelmed I've been I haven't exactly made it a priority to reduce my stress. This stress build up has resulted in the resurgence of anxiety attacks. So, I've come up with a plan for my summer. I'm going to make a dedicated effort to reduce my stress and weight and improve my general health. This starts today as I head off to acupuncture. I believe that acupuncture will help to improve my stress levels as well as to balance the flow of good stuff throughout my body. How's that for a non-technical definition? I'm also going to start Weight Watchers, yet again, and even Brian is joining me on this venture. I'll also be getting to the gym to get some exercise. We belong to a beautiful fitness center and the child care benefits are excellent. I really do enjoy going, however, I just need to sign up Andy so that he can go to. My plan is to take things slowly, so as not to get overwhelmed. That would be just plain silly!

The Beginning

This blog has been a long time in the making. I created it several months ago as a space to obsess and rant about my weight loss efforts. I didn't want to muck up my other blog with all of this stuff. Plus, there are people who read my other blog who I just plain don't want to know about this side of my life. Yeah, I know, it sounds weird. I've apparently got no problem sharing my lack of fertility with people I know, as well as people I don't know. However, for me there is no shame in my lack of fertility because I know it is truly out of my control. It isn't my fault. My weight, on the other hand, is totally and completely my fault and it brings me a great deal of shame. So, if you are reading this . . . I'm trusting that you won't make me feel bad about any of this. I've got plenty of bad feelings as it is!