Still Progressing

OK, so I haven't been super awesome about keeping up this blog. At least this time I was only gone for 2 weeks and not 2 months.

I'm pleased to report that in the last 2 weeks I've lost another 6 pounds, bringing my total to 16 pounds lost. Brian has also continued to lose, for a total of 22 pounds. So, that's 38 pounds gone between the two of us.

This trip to Baltimore should really be interesting. On Brian's list of attractions to visit there are also several restaurants. I think that one of the things that has really helped us with losing weight this time is that we haven't been going out to eat. And actually, we haven't even be avoiding going out because it makes it easier to lose weight. We've been avoiding it because it is just too much trouble to go out and take Andy with us, so we just stay home. On the plus side, while on our vacation we will have the opportunity to be much more physically active that we are while we are both working like crazy. Maybe that will help to counter balance some of the yummy things we are likely to encounter.

Impressive, huh?

My dedication and follow through that is. NOT!

I surely didn't intentionally abandon this blog. It just sort of happened that way as life got in the way. I'd love to be able to say that I've simply been busy transforming into a super model, or at least a normal sized person, but that simply isn't true.

I've let life get in the way again. Namely, school.

This is the 7th week of school, and I started working one week before that. It's been hard. Really hard. And that's been a bit of a surprise. I thought that after how hard things were last year that it would be easier this year. So far, that hasn't been the case.

However, I'm pleased to report that since school has started I've lost a grand total of 10 pounds. I pay attention to how many points are in things, but I don't count them up for the day. Hmmm, if I would just add that one tiny step I'd probably see some more actual progress.

A stumbling block I have is dinner time. By the time the day is done I have absolutely no interest in fixing dinner, and truly, I don't care if I eat or not. Brian has really been great though and has been good about fixing WW friendly meals for us.

Anyhow, enough excuses. I'm here and taking another go at it.

Maybe I'm Really Getting Going?

So now I have a whopping 2 days in a row of gym attendance under my belt. It's a start, right?

Nicole, if you are still reading, you are awesome in your dedication to the gym and quite an inspiration. In fact, knowing that you are now 5K wise, do you have plans to do the Dana Point Turkey Trot? I do, since we will be in OC for Thanksgiving this year!

I've been doing much better with sticking to my points the past couple of days as well. My efforts have also led to me having a bit less anxiety . . . go figure!

Today I was in a rush to leave the house to go to my acupuncture appointment, but I still needed to have lunch. My lunch was even planned. However, when I was ready to assemble my lunch I found that all of the salad mixes were too old to be edible and my strawberries weren't looking to lively. I quickly made use of a pretty new head of iceberg, which isn't my favorite for salads and I was able to salvage some strawberry slices.

Look at my salad!

Besides the lettuce and strawberries it also had grilled chicken (courtesy of the frozen food section of Trader Joes, and pre-cooked no less!), feta, and walnuts. I also made a really tasty dressing for it. Yum! You've all pretty much seen me in action . . . . I'm really not so much a salad girl. I need (read: WANT) my carbs with every meal. This salad was so wonderful that while I was out today I got fresh strawberries and salad mix so that I am better prepared for tomorrow.

Anyhow, I finally did make it to my acupuncture appointment. Usually my pulses are "deep" and "tight" which in TCM generally means that I am a stressed out basket case. But today? They were "warm" and "shallow" but very strong, indicating that I am pretty balanced. Also, he feels that I will be ovulating soon, not that I asked.

Bottom line . . . I'm feeling pretty good!

Tara and Stacy, thanks so much for your support and helpful tips, I really appreciate it!

Small Steps

Well, yesterday did get a bit better. I followed thru on my lunch plan and didn't stray one little bit. In the afternoon I took Andy over to the gym and got him signed up for child care. He also spent a bit of time playing, or, in reality, being manhandled by the bigger kids. When Brian got home we had dinner well within points for everyone. In fact, later in the evening when Brian offered me dessert I turned it down. He was amazed.

I've made no secret of trying to get a better handle on my anxiety issues this summer. While a good deal of it is caused by the effects of long-term stress (and yes, even the good stuff. stress is stress.) there is another cause as well. To be completely honest, my weight is probably more a cause of my anxiety than I like to admit. I think yesterday was the first day I was really willing to admit this to myself. I think that by admitting it maybe I'll have an easier time of remembering why I'm doing this.

Last night after we put Andy to bed we went swimming in the pool. While floating around relaxing I shared with Brian what I think about the anxiety/weight connection. That alone took a huge load off! Here's an example . . . I checked my blood pressure after cleaning up after dinner. It was 129/79. I checked it again after my shower following swimming . . . it was 118/59. That's a huge swing!

It looks like we'll be staying in today. Andy has had a cough for weeks and weeks (the doctor poo-pooed it) and today he has buckets of snot. It figures . . . I finally get him signed up for child care at the gym and now he is in no shape to go!

Big Sigh

I really suck at this!

Gee, when I last posted I had promised to go to a WW meeting the next day. Well, my bad. There wasn't a meeting the next morning, I had to go the morning after. Which I did. And I showed a most impressive (NOT) loss of exactly 1/2 pound. Sigh.

But did that spur me on? Absolutely not! Instead, I left for California the next day. I didn't do too badly when I was there, and I think only ate out once. Upon my return last week I got all goofed up on my days and never did make it to a meeting.

During school I complain about never having time for anything. Now I should have the time, but it seems I never do! I don't know what happens to it! I just want time, in the house, completely alone. Even when I think I will have this time, something happens to it. For example, last Thursday I arranged to take Andy to the babysitter at 8:30 in the morning so that I could make it to my 10:00 acupuncture appointment. That meant I should be home by noon and have the entire rest of the day to myself. Sounded like the perfect plan, right? Nope. Brian decided to take the day off. So sure, it was nice getting to spend some alone time with him, but I didn't get the alone time with me.

I just need to figure out how to do stuff when others are in the house demanding of my time and attention.

What do I need this time for? Well, for starters I need to actually read through all my WW stuff. Not that I don't have an idea of what it says, but I need to spend time with it. I have planning to do . . . .

I didn't mean to turn this into a negative rant, but I guess that since I'm here I need to acknowledge it before I can just move on. I'm just so completely disgusted by the fact that I haven't just gotten my shit together over the past few weeks. I only have 3 weeks until the whirlwind of the new school year starts and that just throws me into a panic. I so can't have the kind of year I had last year!

OK, I need to just take a deep breath here. It's almost time for lunch. I need to get dressed (yes, I'm still in my jammies). By then Andy will be awake (I can hear him stirring now) after a way too short nap. Then it's lunch time. He'll have a bottle and some mac and cheese and grapes. I'll have some WW tortellini soup that I made yesterday (just 4 points!). Then we'll run our afternoon errands and hopefully get so exhausted that Andy will nap when we get home and I can have some precious time.

How do you get yourselves started and stay on track?

Improvement, Not Perfection

"Improvement, not perfection" is going to have to be how I look at things. In the past I've always had a problem with this. If I couldn't do something perfectly, then I wasn't going to do it at all. It is a huge step out of my comfort zone to be able to admit that not everything has to be perfect.

Anyhow, I did pretty well with following my WW points each day. Eric, Kari and the kids were here for the weekend, so we were definitely out of our routine. I decided that rather than trying to count points (and in turn make myself a complete nutcase) this weekend, that I would instead practice moderation. Looking back on it, while I know I wasn't perfect, I think I was pretty good. I made some good choices (like I didn't touch the chips, I drank lots of water, only had 1 diet soda) and didn't make the get-together all about the food. A huge step . . . we had guests over and I actually got in the pool with Andy. In my bathing suit. I felt completely horrid, but pretended that all was good.

I'm going to a WW meeting tomorrow, instead of today. First of all, I want to experience a different leader. Secondly, Brian is off today and we are lazing around the house this morning recovering from the weekend.

To those of you who are right along side me trying, what has gone right for you this past week?

Well, I Did It . . .

. . . I faced the music and went to Weight Watchers this morning. I even tried my best to talk myself out of it. Andrew slept in today. He was taking forever to eat breakfast. I was sleepy. I felt pukey and couldn't stop coughing (darn cold!). Blah, blah, blah.

But, then I remembered that I had written it down here and said that I was going this morning. I knew that I wouldn't be able to justify not going here. So, I went.

It was ugly. But I went.

I'm not sure I'll stick with Monday mornings for the summer. No kidding, next to Andrew I was the youngest person in the room by like 20 years.

But I went.

Nothing has changed. Points still need to be counted. Bagels and chocolate still have a gazillion points.

But I went. The plan is in motion.

Seriously . . .

how much more motivation do I need to have than this disgusting picture?

I hate, hate, hate having my picture taken and having to face my fat. However, I really don't want Andrew to look back at his baby and childhood pictures and always be alone in the picture. I want him to see how much fun we had together. Ugh!

Slow to Start

Well I sure can't be accused of jumping into things this time! As promised, though, I did make a decision. I will be attending live and in person WW meetings, at least for the remainder of summer vacation. I think this may suite my style best . . . giving me more accountability and a more social environment, even though I don't like being social at such places. Weird, huh?

I will also be starting on Monday morning, at 9:30. The location is about a 20 mile drive for me, but it is an actual WW center (not a church or hotel with 1 or 2 meetings a week) that has daily meetings offered at several times. This way I won't have an excuse to miss a week if something comes up during my regular time. I'm the all time master of making excuses so I really have to make this as fool proof as possible for me. And Tara, I really like your idea of checking out different meetings to find a good meeting.

Brian has been doing really well since starting the online version of WW. He counts all of his points and plans his menus (and mine too). However, I haven't been counting points so he has really been getting frustrated with me. Finally, yesterday we had it out. As in a discussion. Which I hate. I'm the queen of avoidance as well. I just finally had to tell him to give me my space and let me do things in my own time. I've done nothing to hold him back. I told him that for a few days he just has to be happy with me making better choices.

On Thursday I went to acupuncture again. As always, it was great, but I still have a ways to go until my stress and anxiety is under control. Apparently my pulses are deep "deep and tight" which, in Chinese medicine, means that I'm stressed and anxious. Duh. We are adding some guided meditations to help with this as well.

My next step is to get to the gym and get Andy signed up for child care. I have a feeling I'm going to like this . . .

Procrastinating

OK, I have three choices for how I can choose to do the Weight Watcher program:

1. I can attend traditional meetings. This would be nice because of the face-to-face accountability and since it is summer I really do have time to do this.
2. I can do the online version. This would be nice because I can do it in my jammies and be lazy and not have to drive anywhere.
3. I can just do it on my own with the materials I already have. This would be nice because I could save my hard earned cash. However, it also holds me much less accountable.

I haven't made a decision at all yet. My excuse has been that I haven't scoped out the availability of in-person meetings. However, even I know that that's a bunch of crap. I'm really just delaying the inevitable, as I have been for almost the past year.

In the meantime, Brian is doing the on-line version and has turned into a complete WW nazi in our home. He even bought a new scale on Sunday, the WW one, that measures to the tenth of a pound. He has been counting points religiously. Me? I say, meh, and eat the meals he fixes for me, all the while pining for ice cream. I will say that I have lost a pound and a half since he started this on Sunday.

So, since I know that the time is here for me to stop making excuses, I will get online and scope out the in-person meetings and make a decision. So, by tomorrow I will have a decision. As for today, I did make it to the store to restock my vitamins and supplements. At least it's something.

By the end of the week I do hope to add to this blog some links to my favorite WW blogs and the site itself so that resources can be in one handy place. I'll eventually add some tickers to track my progress. Oh, I'll also be sharing some of the new recipes we are using, both the good and the back. So, stick around . . . I'm glad to have the company!

What Now?

Even though the past year has been wonderful and this has been the happiest I've ever been, it's still been loaded with stress. With how overwhelmed I've been I haven't exactly made it a priority to reduce my stress. This stress build up has resulted in the resurgence of anxiety attacks. So, I've come up with a plan for my summer. I'm going to make a dedicated effort to reduce my stress and weight and improve my general health. This starts today as I head off to acupuncture. I believe that acupuncture will help to improve my stress levels as well as to balance the flow of good stuff throughout my body. How's that for a non-technical definition? I'm also going to start Weight Watchers, yet again, and even Brian is joining me on this venture. I'll also be getting to the gym to get some exercise. We belong to a beautiful fitness center and the child care benefits are excellent. I really do enjoy going, however, I just need to sign up Andy so that he can go to. My plan is to take things slowly, so as not to get overwhelmed. That would be just plain silly!

The Beginning

This blog has been a long time in the making. I created it several months ago as a space to obsess and rant about my weight loss efforts. I didn't want to muck up my other blog with all of this stuff. Plus, there are people who read my other blog who I just plain don't want to know about this side of my life. Yeah, I know, it sounds weird. I've apparently got no problem sharing my lack of fertility with people I know, as well as people I don't know. However, for me there is no shame in my lack of fertility because I know it is truly out of my control. It isn't my fault. My weight, on the other hand, is totally and completely my fault and it brings me a great deal of shame. So, if you are reading this . . . I'm trusting that you won't make me feel bad about any of this. I've got plenty of bad feelings as it is!